Fog Soup

Last night I drove home through the thickest fog I've ever been.

I couldn't think of a better metaphor for my life.

My average speed was about 20 mph.  There were times when I had to nearly stop, not being able to see 5 feet in front of my car.  Other times the fog would completely clear as if the clouds never even imagined kissing the earth, only to be lost in them again 50 feet later.

As Ian McIntosh played through my car speakers, I meditated on the tears I shed and the encouragement I received moments earlier in my best friend's garage.  The way he's heard me pray, the way he's seen me grow over these three years.  It can't be false, he said.  But still, I want more.  

Oh to be the person that I was created to be.  Completely unabandoned and free.  Dancing before the throne of Jesus.  Going on a daily adventure.  Being confident of His ways.  Persevering towards His voice, even in the fog.

The music permeated the soup and comforted me with truths.  Ian McIntosh's poem set to music, Adoration, related to me the most.

There is a light that shines within me

There is a hope that burns inside me

Deep within my soul, my very existence

There is a being waiting to be freed

A child who knows no fear pain or rejection

There is an emotion all encompassing of excitement joyfulness gladness and love

The creative potential of laughter and the undeniable power of an infant's joy live inside me

Unmeasurable are my limits for I call You Father

Unimaginable my potential for You have called me son

There is someone inside of me waiting to be unleashed

Whom You embrace, whom I long to be

There is an all consuming fire, a light that permeates from my very being

You have unlocked me God

The doors You open no man can shut

I will praise You for all my days for You are good

You have released me God with Your love

You are everything

Haste, haste, to bring him laud!

Every year, without fail, my sister and I goof off at the Christmas Eve service.  I am surprised our parents have allowed us to sit next to each other all these years, but I see they are beginning to get in on it as well.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em I suppose.

One of our goof off traditions is to laugh while singing "Haste, haste, to bring him laud!" in the sober classic What Child Is This?  Several years ago, I decided to stop pretending the word was "lard" and actually looked up "laud" in the dictionary.  Basically, as everybody in the world except for me probably knew, laud = praise.  Ok, that makes sense, I told myself... but I'm still going to laugh!

Last night my family and I attended the 11:00 service after a fantastic three hour French dining experience.  We were more tired than usual, but still willing to be obnoxious in church.  Things began normally as we eagerly anticipated the chorus to this beautiful song.  We sang it one time through and had our giggles.  On the second round, I got punched in the stomach.  

"Haste, haste, to bring him laud!"

Translation:  "Hurry up and don't wait a single second more to get up and praise Him!"  The urgency expressed in this line finally set in after years of giggling through the command.  My smile seceded.  I wanted to do nothing but dance in the aisles, but the sudden revelation of the meaning of these words kept me stunned in my seat.  The fact that everyone was sitting down as they passed communion would have made my sudden spurt a bit inappropriate as well... but I am ashamed now that I passed up the opportunity to dance like David.  

I felt anxious and excited for the rest of the night.  No, it wasn't because Santa was coming.  I could not wait to get back home, close myself in my room, and praise uninhibitedly and void of distractions.  I realized that this is my calling - to praise, not only immediately, but also with joy, and I could not wait to get it started.  He deserves every ounce of our worship and every molecule of our hearts (Happy Birthday, Jesus!).

As I laid in bed last night, I laughed as I usually do on Christmas Eve.  This time it wasn't due to silliness.  Instead, my laughter exploded from the joy of being unconditionally loved by my Creator.  I fell asleep whispering sweet nothings to Jesus, (which really mean everything to him), wishing I could have stayed awake to bring him laud all night.  

All it takes is 3 snow days

It snowed a lot this weekend.  I couldn't really go anywhere.  I decided to finally finish the process that I started a year and a half ago when I moved back home after college.  Yes, my friends...I gutted my room.

It was a room of transition.  I wasn't planning on staying here long since I had big plans for my life.  There was no need to unpack.  But, after MY plans were put on hold, I decided it was time to settle in, unpack, and say goodbye to certain things.  Memories of my past not fitting in with my present were making no room for my future.

I assembled my bookcases, the best Christmas present ever and the motivation of my cleaning spree.  Please look at the picture to the right.  Now imagine all of those books with no home, scattered throughout my room.  You would be ecstatic over a couple of bookcases as well if you saw the previous situation. 

In just 3 days I consolidated, threw out one-third of my life, and rearranged furniture.  My room is a happier place because of it.  The only fear now is that with such a cozy, pleasant room, I'll never want to leave.

Well... that's probably not true.

"What dreams may come..."

I dream every night. I like it.

Last night I had a dream I was in Rome, and spent the majority of it looking at one of my top 3 favorite sculptures, Michelangelo's Pieta (the other faves are Donatello's David, and Michelangelo's Unfinished Prisoners). I am always blown away by sculptures more so than other works of art, because I have tried to carve something out of a chunk of marble and failed miserably. It would be what my high schoolers call an "epic failure". I have an extremely high respect for anyone who can turn a rock into something beautiful.

The Pieta is in St Peter's Basilica, but is protected by bullet proof glass and set off some ways from the viewers, a necessary nuisance after some crazy man in the 70s went after it with hammer.

But, in my dream, the sculpture was up close and personal. It wasn't protected by anything but a knee-high fence. It looked way different than the actual sculpture, as most dream-like objects do, but I knew it was the Pieta. Mary, instead of sitting upright, was actually lying next to Jesus, a look of agony on her face, holding him close and rocking his limp body. I just stood there for hours, examining every detail.

The amount of love that you could tell she had for him was striking.

I think my dream was a calling to embrace him the same way. Clinging to Jesus with everything in my soul. But, fortunately, we don't have to hold onto a cold, dead, body, but can embrace the living, risen God as he warmly embraces us back.

"Is it possible to feel enriched and hollowed out at the same time?"

Anthony Bourdain is one of my favorite people of all time, and he became even more so after he made this remark upon leaving Malaysia. He had just experienced Malay culture to the full: discovering the food, getting a traditional tattoo, spending time in the jungle, killing a pig with a spear as is custom for guests to do, and making the most intriguing friends amidst the language barrier.

The network sent a helicopter to airlift him out of the jungle, an exit he was not proud of. As he was leaving, he didn't feel quite right. He knew that although he may not belong in Malaysia, he definitely didn't belong in New York anymore.

I know the feeling.

It's the feeling of a nomad.

Anthony Bourdain lives the life I have always dreamed of. He is an extremely eloquent writer, a much experienced cook, and gets to travel wherever the heck he wants to and dive into the local color. He gets to be on TV, smoke, drink and swear ruthlessly. Although an object of my admiration, I am afraid to ever meet him knowing he adamantly hates vegetarians.

But, despite our differences in diet, I have felt like him often; every time I have had to leave somewhere.

It's the feeling of being filled to the brim with the enlightenment your journey has revealed to you, and the emptiness accompanying the end of the chapter. As a changed person, you suddenly don't belong where you used to make your home.

What was once familiar becomes foreign, and what was once foreign becomes familiar.

You become hungry for more. Places you have not explored become your craving. And like a glutton, you can't stop.

Hair on the bathroom sink

I don't think girls ever grow out of cutting their own bangs.

I had coffee with a friend today who commented on the status of my hair.  "Did you get a hair cut?" he asked.

"Nope...I'm actually trying to grow it out."

"Oh...it looks like your bangs are shorter," he responded with an unusually keen eye for a gentleman.

"Oh...well, I cut my own bangs.  Maybe that's why."  

I don't think I ever cut my bangs as a child, but in my adulthood they have a bi-monthly date with my scissors.  

We then recalled the night I met him and his four year old daughter.  Her bangs were jagged in the way only a preschooler could chop them.  He rolled his eyes and smiled over the antics of his child.  

Some things never change about the female species.

Christmas just got a little sillier

Talk about lifting your holiday spirits! I always knew my Swing Dance training would come in handy, especially when my friends and I want to dress up as elves and go for a little Christmas Charleston-ing!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I like my Bible how I like my men...dark, artistic, and Swedish.

Dag Soderberg of Sweden was inspired to create this: Bible Illuminated: The Book New Testament.  It is the entire New Testament, in a glossy magazine type finish, chock full of photographs and art depicting the culture that we currently find ourselves in.  It's kind of like the Bible transformed into a National Geographic, or high fashion magazine.  As Dag describes in his video, sometimes people are ashamed of their Bibles because they make people uncomfortable.  But, it should be celebrated, shared, and out in the open for everyone to see.  Sweden is a nation nearly void of all God-fearing people, but since the launch of this version, Bible sales have increased by 50%, not to mention that 10% of Stockholm attended The Book launch.

The mission of The Book is as follows:

"Illuminated World seeks to introduce today's audience to a revolutionary contemporary Bible, one that encourages dialogue and is culturally relevant, readily accessible and easily digestible for any reader regardless of religious, economic, racial or social background.

We have no religious agenda and support no specific faith.  Bible Illuminated is intended to be a unique vehicle for reacquainting today's reader with one of history's most important texts."

Interesting.

So many people have been hurt by the church, and the "religion" of the church, that the Bible becomes a disgusting object associated with that pain.  By getting rid of the uncomfortable stigma associated with the traditional Bible, and actually creating a Bible that is unlike anything else, yet still a Bible nonetheless, people will be attracted to the Word once again.  It is a shame, however, that the WORD OF GOD isn't already attractive to many by what it is in and of itself.  The Bible will forever remain timeless and relevant to our world, rather than remain an ancient, dead text that many believe it to be.  By adding modern artistic interpretations depicting the joys and pain of our culture, the life breathing forth from the words is exemplified.

I think the fact that this Bible wasn't necessarily created by Christians is making many Christians angry.  I agree with Paul:  "But what does it matter?  The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached.  And because of this I rejoice." philippians 1:18  If this gets people who normally would be embarrassed to own a Bible, to read a Bible, then I say it is beneficial.

These angered Christians see the artist's interpretations of some passages as adding to the word of God.  They perceive it as a "secularized" (which by the way, I don't believe there is a giant schism between the secular and the sacred), distorted view of Scripture.  What then do you make of your study Bible that adds little blurbs within the text on how to apply the verses, and includes all sorts of commentary?  Are these not also someone else's interpretations of the Scripture?  I would argue that the added thought provoking photographs further prove that the cross of Christ is relevant to every aspect of culture, and every corner of the earth. God works in mysterious ways and I find it a blessing that people who we wouldn't traditionally consider "believers" are able to be touched by the Word of God.

I'll admit, some of the images are disturbing, but we must ask why.   Are we disturbed because the images actually provoke anti-biblical principles?  Or are we disturbed because we become aware of certain issues we have been ignoring that a picture is able to remind us of?  Jesus may be prompting us to be his hands and feet in that area.  We are able to play our part in restoration only when we know what it is that is broken.  Or are we disturbed because someone's modern, artistic, culturally in-tuned interpretation of a verse might be different from our own?  The Word of God is so brilliant and moving that it is in fact able to touch people in different, unique ways, and has done so for millenniums.  I believe God's hands are very much in the arts and he speaks volumes through paintings, sculptures and photographs.  Occasionally, we have some artistic members of our church present "prophetic paintings" that are able to bring a new spin on Church, drawing every aspect of culture and gifts into the body.  

Nevertheless, it is important to hold fast to the words held in The Book, which of course is the Bible we know and love.  The text shouldn't be compromised for the captivating photographs adjacent to it, but it should be approached with prayer and discernment.  Prayer for your eyes to be illuminated by the words, first and foremost, and then to the artistic interpretation. Discernment as to whether the interpretation is valid, and what you should do about it, if anything.

Celestial beings...and things.

If I were an astrologer, I would probably be freaking out right now.  The sky was incredible last night.  After an amazing sunset that I watched from my Panera window, the moon appeared looking rather sharp (literally, it looked like a tiger claw just waiting to be plucked from the sky to pop some child's balloon).  Next to the moon were two really bright stars that made our celestial ceiling look almost like an alternative interpretation of the Turkish communist flag.  But lo and behold, they were not stars, but some planets!  Jupiter and Venus, I presume.  This view will not be seen again until 2050 something.  Lucky me!

Furthermore, this is on the BBC News homepage today.  No worries, people.  The UN will soon remember the great resource our planet has in Bruce Willis.  He'll take care of that meteor!

Our skies will soon be able to rest.